The Binding Thread of Grief

 

When my daughter departed this earth everything brushed against the raw wounds of my grief, reminding me of Crystal.  A tilt of the head, a laugh, fragrance of candles, the beach, walking the neighborhood, places where she ate, attended daycare, schools, playgrounds, the Nutcracker Ballet, and the list goes on.  Even drawings of children who resemble her attracts my attention.  It often brings tears to my eyes and sometimes it's difficult to bear but I also can't let them go.  These binding threads of grief is gradually, bit by bit, becoming gifts of loving memories that can never be taken away.  So there is hope where loving memories can also bring smiles.  The binding thread of grief also brings treasures.  Crystal's artwork lifts my spirit and I use it to bring smiles to the lonely, isolated and elderly through non profit groups The Angel Card Project and Kind Cards for Cool Kids.  I used her artwork and added graphics and text for Valentines and mailed the cards to 100 people around the country.

Shadows of Grief

 

Crystal's friends held a memorial service for her on the banks of the Matanzas River at Helen Melton Schmidt Park located at Summer Island.    It's off the the beaten path, just the way Crystal would  have liked. They held the service in a small cove on the river bank.  They lit a sky lantern and release it into the clouds and it floated over the river and high above the horizon.  They threw flowers into the river.in her memory.  Every time we drive by the park, we think of her life's celebration by her friends but it is also brings out the shadows of grief that reminds us she is gone.  Grief is always in the shadows.

A Part of My Life ~ Always!

I ran across some pictures today that I have not seen in a long time.  My baby girl was so beautiful inside and out.  This was a trip to Colorado Springs.  We visited the Old Town of Colorado Springs.  I miss her every minute of every day.  As time goes back my love for my daughter has grown just as much as if she were still living here on earth.  She is as much a part of my life today "as the air that I breathe and the food and water that nourish  my body.  Therefore I shall not fear losing someone who has been, and is, a part of me."  She's a part of my life ~ Always.

If I Had a Flower

"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever."

 ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

"To Live In Hearts We Leave Behind is not to die"

"Although no words can really help to ease the loss you bear, just know that you are very close in every thought and prayer.  To Live in Hearts we leave behind is not to die"  

~Thomas Campbell

Crystal Michelle Fallin - Artist Portrait

Beautiful Pencil drawing of Crystal Michelle Fallin December 10. 2002 when she was 18 years old.  
 

Your Star will always Shine

Your Star Will Always Shine

A free spirit God design,

With her own rhythm and style.

Each step is filled

With Enchantment and Charm.

Through these magical journeys

For seven years,

Our Danseuse, we thank you

For these memories you gave.

"Treasuries Forever'

You allow us to share,

In these moments in time.

Your Star will Always Shine,

In our hearts and our minds.

Poem by PL Fallin

Published 1997

"The Snow Maiden" Poem by PL Fallin

The Snow Maiden

The Snow Cascaded, Swirled and Blew
In the Magical Kingdom
Of the Land of Snow;

Amidst the Snow Flakes and Fairies,

The Snow Maiden Dances,

Twirling on Pointed Toes

From Moonbeam to Shadow;

Her Silhouette we followed 

From Forest to Meadow;

Snow and Ice are Her Friends,

The Coated White Earth is her Floor;

Center Stage from Heaven

The Stars Shine on Her,

Seeking no other;

She is the Snow Maiden

Graceful and Fair,

In her Fairy White Dress

With Star Light in her Hair;

Dancing in Bliss

With no Worries or Cares,

Delicate and Graceful

From Finger Tip to Toe,

She's Eloquent to Behold;

Her Eyes Sparkles like Crystals,

Amidst the Snow Fairies and Sprites,

She Waltzes in Solace

With Mystical Delight;

From Winter's Breath She Sprang

Twirling and Dancing in the Chilled Air

Through the Forest and the Fields

The Wind Whispers her name,

Brilliant and Translucent, Crystal

The Maiden of Heaven's White Veil.

Published 1997

by Peggy Fallin

Snow Maiden  Soloist, Crystal Michelle Fallin in Nutcracker Ballet 1997, Premier Ballet Company

Find Rest in the Lord

 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you

and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble

in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-29 NIV

Portrait of Crystal Michelle Fallin

A Portrait of Crystal Michelle Fallin

June 19, 1984 -

August 18, 2019

"Robin Hood" Musical by Theater Street Express

Crystal Michelle Fallin as King Richard in the Theater Street Express musical "Robin Hood".

"America Sings" Theater Street Express

Crystal was a member of the Theater Street Express and performed "America Sings" at several community events including Washington Oaks State park and in the town square during the Christmas Nights of Light.  

"Alice In Wonderland" Theater Street Express

Crystal was a member of the St. Augustine Performing Arts "Theater Street Express" and played Tweedle Dum in Alice In Wonderland musical.

Crystal Fallin Pastel Art

Flowers Grow Out of Darkness

We live our lives in moments, hours, days.  During profound grief, healing can come when we pick a wonderful moment from time to cherish.  A healing process is to take a good moment from our lives:  a trail walk, a beach sunrise, misty mountain morning, a walk in the moonlight.

"Flowers grow out of dark moments"
Artist Corita Kent

"For God so Love the World"

The way to find life is to pour out love on the rest of creation.  The earth will help us -- the cycle of the seasons is alive with the promise of rebirth.  Jesus promised us rebirth if we believe in him.
Corinthians 15:20-22 "But now Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who are asleep.  For since by a man came death, by a man also came the resurrection of the dead.  For as in Adam all die so also in Christ all will be made alive."
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only  begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

"The best way to know God is to love many things."
Vincent Van Gogh

The Earth is My Sister

God created Heaven and Earth and God created us.  Creation is interconnected and is a mystery and so is death but there are clues and promises that we are children of God.  Romans 8:16  "The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God..."   Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers:  for they shall be called the children of God."  Galatians 3:26 "For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus."

Shadow and Sunlight

"Each substance of a grief hath twenty shadows."
William Shakespeare

The beach and the river reminds me of Crystal's spirit.  The reminder is also a shadow.  Reminders are everywhere of the loss of our beautiful daughter.  It is also sunlight--wonderful, life giving sunlight.  There is no shadow without sunlight behind it.  It's like a bridge that connects the two worlds:  Shadow and sunlight.

Above the Earth Way

"Her love is everywhere.  It follows me as I go about the house, meets me in the garden, sends swans into my dreams.  In a strange, underwater or above earth way, I am very nearly happy."

Author Sylvia Townsend Warner (1893-1978)

On the Peaceful Shore

In my heart, I'm Celebrating your life at the river, relinquishing your hand and watching you cross over to that peaceful shore.  You are on the other side, safe and at peace waiting for the day your love ones too can cross over to the other side.